State of Mine`d

Fragmented Thought

Sometimes I…

…

…

…

…don’t finish my thoughts that I post about.

For example: “Language Creates Reality.”  Boy, that was a long time ago. 

So, as I sit here studying cancer…I remember that “language creates reality.”

OFF TOPIC. Totally normal. Get used to it.

So what did I mean by this? The things people say, the things people tell you, sometimes they stick with you.  Sometimes if someone keeps telling you that you’re lazy or something like that, you do become lazy.  Their language turns into reality.  Things end up just resonating within yourself.  Sometimes we make it come true when we don’t mean it to.  ”You’re lazy, you’re stubborn, you’re annoying, you can’t ever____, you won’t ever____,etc. etc.

& sometimes it’s selective…and sometimes this sucks.  Because then there’re times when you get told you’re beautiful or that you’re talented or that you have potential, but then it doesn’t feel like it is reality.  

Language. 

or is this an issue with esteem?

my gf is so mean to me D:

anhtuanxp:

<3

hhehehee :) thank you

Supposed to be dying

I mean…studying.
But it’s pretty much the same thing.

I’ve spent the first 40 or so minutes at the library eating.  What the hell was I thinking? I brought basically all of Trader Joe’s into the basement of the library (pita bread, hummus, sliced chicken, veggie sticks, canned peaches, mac & cheese, water, and iced tea).  Learning takes so much energy. 

But I think I have floating thoughts I need out there in the universe before I can really focus on my finals.

First, let’s be realistic. I’m not getting into pharmacy school. My grades are barely at a 3.0 and it’s only getting worse.  On top of that, the MINIMUM GPA is a 3.5. Yeah…right…

Teaching has always sounded appealing.  Today, I felt the appeal even more so.  Elementary education or maybe a high school science teacher.  I think it’s a very humbling and underrated career pathway.  I can see myself being passionate about it too.  More on that next time.

45 minutes have passed…

Also, you know that friend that you have that you want to talk to? You feel like you could have a heart to heart with them…You want to tell them everything because you know they’d understand and give some great advice, but then when you start, they don’t want to listen?  Yeah, that shit blows. That friend came to me once in TEARS.  I can honestly say that I listened with an open heart and tried to comfort them, so what’s going on?

Hahaha. On an unrelated note. THUG LYFE 4EVA, MAN. I don’t know what makes me gravitate so much to intelligent hip-hop. I love it.

50 minutes in. Finals. Onward!

REAL studying is REALLY boring.

max headache.

[edit] Swedish House Mafia + Musiq Soulchild Pandora station to no avail…
Monster Lemonade Rehab, one water bottle, one cream soda…
I feel sick and unmotivated. OVER IT.

Why I have a Disneyland pass

It started off because A wanted to get one, but what having a Disneyland pass has meant to me has changed…

I got a premium pass sometime between Christmas and New Year’s.  Living in Anaheim since birth, it seemed ludicrous that, since then, my last trip to Disneyland was when I was in 7th grade.  My return, unfortunately, was less than—I remember that day…major major major sleep deprivation (you can thank bed-sharing with a visiting cousin for this).  But every other day thereafter has been, in my mind, perfection.

Disneyland for me is the essence of nostalgia.  It’s my very own Neverland.  It’s fantasy, it’s magic, and an escape.  Disney knew what he was doing claiming rights to the airspace.  I don’t see any world beyond Disneyland past the gates, and so I don’t think about the world beyond it.  It’s a reminder of my childhood, of an innocence and naivety that made life so much more simple.  It’s where Disney dreams resonate—where I can dream, and counselors and teachers and parents can’t tell me that I can’t.  Disney said I can.  

Sometimes reality is too brutal.  The only thing that keeps us going, and keeps us trying and striving in this harsh reality is our dreams.  It’s hoping that we can get where we aspire to be if we try.  As an individual stuck in logic and reality, sometimes I need this. Sometimes I need to channel the spirit of my youth—my wonder years, my limitless imagination needs to help the grown-me envision where I want to be and where I see myself in the future.  

Getting a pass wasn’t for me at first, but I’m really thankful and really happy that I got it…in addition to being really thankful and really happy that I’m going today :)  I definitely  need it.

Rant at 10:13 AM 5 May 2012

I’m doing horribly in the bio class that I’m sitting in as a I type this. Dude next to me smells like “morning”—like he’s been out all night. Sorry, I’m kind of judging. I’m not ready for the meeting at the hospital after this class.  I’m anxious…and as glad as I am to get the internship, I don’t actually want to start.  Nothing is due this week, I have no tests, but I’m very short on sleep and stressing.  I’m hungry. I’m annoyed with every situation I’m in. I’m tired of the semester and I’m tired in general.  My teachers with the most impressive credentials have been by far the worst teachers and can’t explain anything simplistically.  The grad students and staff have been a million times more efficient in teaching.  Moreover, the texts required for my 7 PM class regarding ethics was great and well-organized.  Once religion got incorporated into the subject, HORRIBLE organization and it argued in circles. qweruyfretreaytenbvc!#467%#@*&@!fckshtdamit

Ode to 7 PM R/ST383I class

Haiku A:

This class is stupid.
If he will post the PowerPoints,
Why do I take notes? 

Haiku B:

All semester long
I have never seen this guy
Sitting to my right.

Prose:

Lecture is about peace and war
          But I’m not in the mood, I’ve been up since 4
Answering the stupid questions that my prof assigned.
          This class is the last thing on my mind.
We’ve been on the same slide for 20 minutes now
          Boyfriend in front is playing W.O.W.
We’re still on the same slide, 10 minutes later
          Girl two seats forward is still finishing her paper.
A paper that was due one week ago
          I’m losing my mind, I want to go. 
In conclusion, all I want to say
          Is f*ck this shit! It’s been a long day!

The problem with going to a college preparatory middle school & high school is that I was already over college before I even applied to college…actually by 8th grade to be exact.

Finals week stress has got me raging. #COMEATMEBRO.

I am SO sick of hearing the same 10 songs on the radio. ONE more Nikki Minaj song…I DARE YOU…or let me hear an Adele song ONE more time… or WORSE, something featuring Rihanna in it…………and I will punch a kitten!!! HARD!!! Just kidding, but really.

And after all that, I listened to some throwback N*sync, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, Christina Aguilera, and Destiny’s Child…& all was back in order and all was well in my world :)

Ahhh. Sweet, sweet, sweet nostalgia.

Silly Radio…

…Just because Wiz Khalifa is featured in Maroon 5’s “Payphone” doesn’t mean it’s hip-hop.  It’s a pop song with a rap bridge. DURRRR, GUYS. #getitright

TODAY: Chem. Run. Swim. Home. Study study study study study study. Zzzzz.

Yeeeee.

Sudden Memory

I remember when I was little and I would wash my hands…

…I’d also wash my arms to my elbows…

Haha. Boy, was I thorough!

Always loved water!